fly to your very own sky......

life

2010-08-08T00:50:00.000-07:00

recently life got better.....
had more and more friends .....
realised that even though Gabriel ,Darryl,Colin always tease me .......we are all starting to get closer as friends ,classmates .
i no longer feel uncomfortable around them ,more and more i feel that they are actually good friends .
maybe sometimes they get on my nerves but after all they are boys .

why am i a HERE?

2010-08-05T07:19:00.000-07:00

sometimes it puzzles me....why do i have to be in this cruel and pathetic world..
struggling to cope with life .friends .family.studies.fear.pain.loneliness.
hate my parents .never quite loved them .stayed with my grandparents at a young age loved them to bits ....then why i realised life was going to get better it got worst .thrown back to parents house .HATED THEM HATED THEM HATED THEM .everyone there sucks except for my dog.still love you forever sparkie.
i was struggled with violence ,favouritism and of course HATE.
i am the middle child in the family...some call them the ''problematic kid''......i guess i pretty much was..
but it was the conditions that made me that kid i once was.
favouritism was always with me ,by my side ..my parents reminded me constantly.who i was where is my stand .both my parents doted on the eldest and youngest.
my elder bro ,only guy in the three of us .naturally my parents gave him whatever he wanted
to him nothing was a problem because they are always at on side .
my fucking sister ,the total bitch,really sucks to the core .if you are in my socks .anyone might have already killed her long ago.she is the youngest ,anyway they are also always at her side .cos she is the cutest to them .smallest.to me most idoitic .she use to summon them to hit me ..
and she enjoys seeing me cry in pain and betrayal by the both of them.
SO IN THE END, NATURALLY THE ONE LEFT UNLOVED AND NOT CARED ABOUT WAS ME.NO ONE STOOD BY ME.NO ONE AT ALL.....................

crying was took a big role in my life.i use to cry myself to sleep everyday at night .but soon the feelings became numb .the pain became a routine of my everyday life.the tears became dry .but i still had a heavy heart no matter how much i try to ignore it .the feeling creeps in and i exprienced it for the first time then .LONELINESS .it is the worst feeling one can ever get .the coldness in everthing you see.you will feel as if no one in the world loves you ,no one cares about you .

PAIN was the next ...not only physically but also mentally .physically, they whacked me like there was no tomorrow .they have never stopped after one stroke.to see whether i have already learnt my lesson .but they did it continuously untill they were panting . they always left me there crying till the tears were dry.at an average, i was beaten twice everyday.i never filled to be covered in scars and marks .
when questions rise i would always answer the same thing.''i fell down yeserday''or ''i knocked on to something''.too embarrassed to say the truth ,in fear of mockery .mentally ,my heart was scar too mant times till healing did not mater anymore .
betrayal played a big part .
i always thought parents would also find out who is wrong and give out the apporiate punishment .but to my parents it was always ''ME''.they have also never failed to give a harsh beating .
thry would also always insult and critise me nevertheless.in fronth of my siblings calling me useless ,stupid,fat.they would also always laugh at me never caring about how i really felt.

then it came HATE.it is still with me now .hiden somewhere in my broken heart .i hated all of the them to the core .to the max .
the most i could hate anything in my life.they have killed my soul completely .i might never be able to find myself back again.
i hated to go home because i was going to be subjected to those feelings .so i had to be two-faced.to alway them to accept me.they would never love me .untill now i am still struggling to find back myself ,to not be two-face .

to comfort myself about my misfortune i went straight for comfort food.sweets,choco and of couse my all time fav ICE CREAM.anything that could make me feel better.anything .
if it wasn't because of my grandpa i would have jumped long ago.
reality was worst then hell .then i became fat .the joke in everyone lips .i found no comfort in life only sorrow ,pain and hate. in school ,i was not spared to .but all is gone now . i feel like i have lost it.................................

THE ONLY GOOD THING THAT HAPPENED TO ME WAS I BECAME SO STRONG THAT I DO NOT CRY SO EASILY ANYMORE.BUT SOMETHING IS STILL MISSING ...............LOVE

sec4

2010-06-15T22:41:00.000-07:00

haiz...hi people long time no hear.
just got back from camp last week.damn fun can !!!i had a great time with the sec 4 s eating,playing,studying.will miss all this times after we move on to higher education .wish u all the best for 'o'level.though the camp was very tiring all of us enjoyed it.it brought us closer .jasen went crazy again .he is always crazy .thank you for always caring for us .thank you for bringing us joy and laughter.giving us so much .sacrificing so much for us.

to my juniors hope you guys continue to work hard.towards your gold goal .please dun ever give up.if you do i will never forgive you.understand?!

school is starting soon and i am not done with homework .die.die.die.somemore it is like one mountain lor.but i have decided i am not going to care what other people think and say anymore.it's too difficult. if teachers don't want to help me .FINE.i will find my own help.and to those who have been helping me thank you very much .Mrs Loh.......my physics teacher.

shandyyyyyyyhere:)

2010-03-31T06:35:00.000-07:00

OMG SERIOUSLY STOP SPAMMING MY FRIEND'S BLOG.
YOURE LOW.
LOW LIKE SHIT OKAY!
DARE TO SAY DONT DARE TO FACE THE MUSIC!
GET A LIFE.
YOU SINK SO LOW, YOU CAN LIKE GO LICK THE FLOOR!
STOP BEING SOME DRAMA MAMA JUST TO
SPICE UP YOUR LIFE.
YOU MUST BE A SAD KID TO RESORT TO THIS UH?
I FEEL TERRIBLE FOR YOU AS TO SEE WHERE YOUR
BOREDOM HAS BROUGHT YOU TO.
SHAME ON YOU LOSER.
ARE YOU INSECURE AND HAVE A SAD LIFE?
WELL THEN, GO SEE A DOCTOR YOU MORON!
STOP SPAMMING YOU SHITTY KID WITH NO LIFE.
BEHIND YOUR SCREEN WITH A BUCKET OF KENTUCKY,
YOU ARE NOTHING ELSE.
LIVE WITH YOUR LIFE YOUNG MAN.
AND SHOVE YOUR CRAP UP WHERE IT BELONGS.
I DONT CARE HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT MY FRIEND OR HER FRIENDS.
YOURE JUST NOT WELCOME HERE SO SCRAM
WHILE YOU CAN BEFORE YOU GET CHASED
BY AN ANGRY MOB.
SERIOUSLY.
STOP YOUR NONSENSE.
YOU TOOK DESPOTISM TO A HIGHER LEVEL YOU KNOW?
ATTENTION SEEKING BRAT WITH NO PRIDE AND INTEGRITY.
AND ITS NOTHING TO BE PROUD OF; WHAT YOU HAVE DONE.
NO ONE'S GONNA GIVE YOU A TROPHY FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE.
INSTEAD, YOU'VE JUST THROWN YOUR REPUTATION DOWN THE DRAIN.
SO, WHERE DOES THAT LEAVE YOU NOW HUH?
IF YOU'RE READING THIS, YOU BETTER REFLECT,
YOU LITTLE GUTLESS PIECE OF DESPOTIC CRAP.

it still hurts so much more............

2010-01-27T07:30:00.000-08:00

siting in the class foll of people i don't like.no one knows how it feels .the feeling that you are treated as an invisible .even if you try your best to fit it ,it backfires .people start thinking you are a nusiance ..it still hurts .
you are being humilated,critised and misunderstood countless times .all they do is laugh about it and it is over ......it still hurts.
but what they don't know is that they have left i deep and painful scar on someones heart.it will hurt for there entire life.but will anyone remember .......it still hurts.
they think that your heart is made up of diamond , unbreakable and undestructable.
but they are utterly wrong.your heart is just like thairs ,made up of flesh and blood and it hurts when being hurt .but my heart is just numb.it is unfeeling.but no matter what ,it still hurts .
you have to put up a brave front everytime.so that they do not think of you as a weaking ,a crybaby.but when you put on a brave front for long ,they just keep on doing it waiting for you to break down.
your heart has been scar many times over and over again.what is left is just self pity and sorrowness.it still hurts................................

longgggggggg week

2010-01-23T06:25:00.000-08:00

i has been such a long week! sorry that i did not update for so long .
life has been ups and downs .it was never easy from the start but looks like it gotten worse .
have never studied more than this in my entire life .homework are looking like sky scarpers to me.
. i don't even want to think about self study . i think i might go to the mental hospital soon.
band have been boring and tiring .no longer have that drive anymore .but at least i have friends there that make me feel like going there.but it has been so long . i miss my old self.the one that always loved single thing i did .the attitude that was never sian.but looks like i may never find it back again.PLEASE COME BACK TO ME!!!!
everyday i just wish for the time i can lie on the bed to sleep .to rest myself.i realize there are many 2 faced people .i don't want to name who or from where.but they are getting on my nerves .so you guys noe who you are and better stay out of my way.
jasmine please DO NOT PULL MY SHIRT EVER AGAIN.

tortures

2009-10-20T09:32:00.000-07:00

it has been such a long time since i last updated .but unlike other are free from there tortures i have still 2 more to go :theory exam and band competition .the last 2 headaches never knew that it would be so tough and stress .all school exams are over but i am so afraid i can't be promoted to 4E but i am still not defeated for my maths "both failed like shit''.i will continue trying till i succeed .i hope i can endure till then .But i noe it would be a long and tiring road .
just went to dra's house the other day .it was so fun .but she was being a meanie and did not wan to swim .a pain in the ass.but we tried some songs on the piano and she was superb .had a great time .

2009-09-08T09:08:00.000-07:00

this week has been really busy for me .piano exam coming up next. then school exam .then band competition .then next up 'O'level .haiz life is really filled with many challenges.maths is really a headache ,but i believe that if i work hard every single thing will turn out fine .been sacrificing almost everything i have .but dreams and goals are hard to be fulfilled isn't it? really hope that when i turn back in my life i will find it worth living for.there will be countless people i want to thank .

a few days ago was told that ganny have another tummor in her other kidney .i really hope that she will turn out fine ...she just removed her other kidney a few months ago and a huge tummor in her lungs .her strength to live on really amazed me .if it was me a would have killed myself.the suffering would be just to much to bear . she will have to go for dalaysis once if things get worsen.but she is so optimistic that i dont know how to comfort her .instead she comforted me with her big love .i am learning how to be as strong as her .a real fighter.......and those who read this blog PLEASE PRAY FOR HER .I REALLY HOPE SHE WILL BE FINE .TAKE IT AS A FAVOUR FROM ME........

oh ya sry for those who tagged me and i did not reply cos something is wrong with my stupid computer.it is driving me nuts.

2009-08-07T07:18:00.000-07:00

life has been rather fine after that incident I realised who are my real friends and who are not .this are the obstacles that really make them a true friend ,when no one is on your side .they are the ones that will stand up for you .recently the band has been busy trying to help the sec 1s get over the hurdle of a recuit .i sincerly hope that as they improve their attiude will improve too .my own dear sec 1 junniors .PLEASE DO NOT BE LAZY .THE BAND IS IMPROVING SO MUCH FASTER THAN YOU GUYS .SO BUCK UP!

2009-07-23T06:05:00.000-07:00

i cried today........again

2009-07-23T05:18:00.000-07:00

today i cried ..........in class again ..........the stupid water that dropped out from my eyes.i could not control it today .the pain was so intense today. i could not keep up with the brave front ,the always smiling fake face though it is bleeding inside.i really don't understand !are they happy to see me sad,cry .sometimes i really want them to stop .can't we be friends or even strangers?why must you make someone sad just for the likes of you...........is it that hard to see me happy ? will u lose a leg or a hand ?or maybe your life?
i really really hate this class so much that i cannot imagine..
those who comforted me today ,thanks for standing by my side
To elisa ,your are really my truest friend !love ya !

it hurts so much more...............

2009-07-21T20:34:00.000-07:00

maybe this is the darkest time of my life .i dun noe why does it hurt so much when i am called 'fat'fat' .to be laughed at ...it really feels so painful everytime i am called at. the sharp pain that is felt through your heart .the pain that pierces something in me maybe it is my heart or maybe it is the soul. when tears well up my eyes the feeling of forcing yourself not to let the tears fall. to put a brave front just in front of the so-called friends ....... the suffering that is felt is much more than anyone can imagine .worse than in hell . felt every single day .every single time.it hurts it really does.........maybe i am use to it the pain .but it still hurts ...maybe the older you are the more pain is felt as you understand more..it hurts so much that i don't even want to go to school now although it use to be my favorite thing in the past.....who will stay your friends for long? so little that you can count it with your fingers only the true friends stay.............
is fat a sin? is it a crime ?is it so bad so wrong that that much suffering must be felt?to others it may be fun and excitment but have they thought what is it like to be the victim.............

my life sucks !!!

2009-07-11T02:54:00.000-07:00

school has opened for a week now ....my life still as boring as usual .but now it got even more boring .decided to study very very hard .as usual i still hate my this year classmates ,3e3 ...decided that no matter whati must get to the top ,prove my worth in no matter music or studies .i realised i don't need friends in my class ,no need to be too sociable .still love 2e4 .i have decided to put my time and effort on the things that really matter ..studies ,band and real friends,do my best in them .the rest just ignore .maybe they will stop .........................
my life sucks ....

sick like shit

2009-06-16T20:42:00.000-07:00

came home from band camp a few days ago ............shit la! i suck can! have been having freaking fever for a stupid week.sian feel like handicap can! my neck and shoulder pain like siao can !when to see the doctor for two times .now maybe have to go for blood test cos they suspect it is dengue .sian!cannot eat much so to look at the bright sight hope to lose weight !
*special thanks to all those that took care for me !sorry people no space to put all the names .the camp was ok but the not as fun as the past ones .this year recruits really need to learn how the respect mr how and there seniors .......if not the band will collapse .i really hope they learn the ropes fast cos i cannot take it !

people i want to express my thanks to..kahxuan.senghwee..thanks

2009-05-15T01:36:00.000-07:00

haiz ................so long never blog ,need to thank some people who helped me when i was in need...
today got a little emotional at class..............
cried during A Maths ,i only got 16 marks !!!!why? due to my stupid careless mistakes ...
i counted that if i did not make any careless mistake i would pass ...maybe Sunny chan is right i am too complacent ...............haiz ..so far fail chemistry and a maths wonder how mum is going to take it..................
but so far i want to thank some people,kahxuan,my zu shifu,jiawei another zu shifu,senghwee,my shifu and felix my another shifu....
i also want to thank the the whole a maths class and sunny chan for putting up with me even though i was so stupid .and often asked stupid questions ...in the end, i am
the one who pulled the class down ...i am very sorry to u guys and of course Sunny Chan ...
*special thanks to seng hwee and kahxuan for helping me out in the past few weeks ...spenting time coaching me in expense of there own ..i am terribly sorry and grateful...
for those who cried today don't be discouraged , it is still a long road ahead of us ,carry on don't ever give up. i know it is not easy .i hope all of us learn our mistakes and run towards our goal..
last and not least this is for sunny chan ,don't cry ,
we are sorry ,it's not your fault pull yourself together and don't forget you are always our sunny chan dim sum ..haha

sectionals

2009-04-09T06:24:00.000-07:00

today had sectionals..........was so amazed .my little juniors could pitch so much better just with one try all could pitch......love them so much .especially with alex his pitch improved so much ...everyone was great .however a little disappointed .....they never learn fingering ...saddened .
but nevertheless they are great juniors good atitiude ,good character and always improving no matter what ......love and cherish them so much..............

today's SYF

2009-04-01T04:34:00.000-07:00

today just had SYF was so scared at first ......................................but later all became well .we were actually aiming for gold .but got sliver .everyone quite sad .but i having mixed feelings becos i succeed in all my solos except for two notos a bit off pitch .damn happy .angry becos like that actually can get gold .but today the band got a bit disconnected ,but understand becos people get nervous wad .....sad cos felt that let jasen down .............sianz.
after that when to celebrate. then talked to wong jiaxin about old times .before i became good in french horn .jasen did not like me . the band hated me .jasen used the shout across the band and scold me so embrassing .i felt like crying . everybody see me than '' PEIHSIEN COME ALREADY........ eeeeeeee''.good example joletta .only wong jia xin and a few others did not treat me so bad .becos everyone sided jasen.jasen always scolded me .my seniors except yaping did not teach me almost anything ..hated band then ......................becos had to learn everything through realising .....everything had to learn the hard way....so diffcult .....so i must teach my juniors well.........no matter what .i must not let then take it hard . becos it really sucks ...so i decided to puck up .becos i wanted to show jasen i can do it .I WILL NOT GIVE UP SO EASILY.
then now after jasen praised me becos i worked hard and improved .everyone changes their attitude towards me .......why?call me diamond here and there? joletta even let me play her piccolo now. so i must never let my juniors become like this .the burden of the band ........................never.

3days to SYF ..............

2009-03-29T02:32:00.000-07:00

feeling better already ......hoping to be well by tuesday.SYF is only 3 days away .
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JASEN ....OLD MAN ALREADY. lucky i did not forget or else he can find reason to saun me ..did not get him any present but i think his greatest present would be on 1st april so bandmates u know what to do right !!!!continue to jia you!!!
when to singapore conference hall yesterday ,with viandra ,huiting.jasmine,liew jiaxin and wai minto watch a concert by some bands .so envious of them all of their horn sections have more than 3 people some more most of them are guys .not like our band only have 3 girls ....sian.

being sick sucks ...i hate dry cough

2009-03-23T02:42:00.000-07:00

today went to school like usual .early in the morning wanted to vomit the whole time .but after recess felt better .today throat damn pain can sore .pain and dry .cough for the whole day had dry cough made throat even worst.
ate recess with 2e4 .missed the happy times with them.wai min already recovered form fever .now i think is mine n xingqi turn of being sick ......so sad.....i think tonight i going to have fever already .........sad...

super exhausted ,sick

2009-03-21T00:08:00.000-07:00

super exhausted. this whole week had band continuously for 4 days ,i am so tired. feel like i am getting sick already .had been coughing and having running nose for the whole day.miss Elyeannie .hope she is fine .she had fever yesterday during band.rest well my junior.more and more people getting sick already . everybody take care of ur health.today sick,no mood to post much.sian..................

last day of school

2009-03-13T04:52:00.000-07:00

today is the last day of school!yeah! happy but sad .mixed feelings.happy that i can sleep late now .have time to catch up on my school work.but got my report book all Bs and Cs only 1 A and one more F .5 over 100 for Amaths so sad.

now i just have 4 new sec 1 juniors .all annoying but cute.love them a lot and cherish them .ALEX the SUPER annoying and irritating one .always like to disturb my sectionals. BUT CAN BE SERIOUS AT TIMES. JINGYI the introvert one VERY QUIET .PLEASE BE MORE SOCIALABLE .looks like now i have to plan section outings .sianz. more work.XIAWEI the same as ALEX same kind .perfect couple.i think something is going on always look at each other and smile .SWEET LOVE ! SO CUTE! XUANWEE also quite introvet .very forgetful .dropped mouth mouthpiece twice even though i told him not to continuously .sign .kids are like that.ANYWAY HOPE THEY BECOME BETTER THAN ME IN THE NEAR FUTURE .HOPE THEY ALL STAY AS 1 SECTION .I HOPE ALL SURVIVE BECAUSE ONLY THE STRONG SURVIVE . THAT IS WHAT JASEN SAID .THAT MEANS I AM STRONG .YEAH!

TODAY WHEN TO SECTIONALS .BENJAMIN SO FUNNY .KEEP ON SINGING f.O.G and overture to edwin and shiyan to train .then he ownself high .then sing high notes keep on off pitch me ,shimin and jiaxin keep on laufhing all the way home.hahahahahahaha!!!!!

music exchange

2009-03-07T20:17:00.000-08:00

yesterday, went to music exchange with band .bukitview was also playing F.O.G .i was super scared.my first solo was great no mistakes .but the 2nd one sucked .the other conductors was suggesting that we cut it away .but JASEN OPOSED STRONGLY SAYING THAT IT MIGHT BRING US TO GOLD IF WE 3 COULD PLAY IT WELL .yeah!!!so jia yous i am not going to let the band down. saw he xun from north vista but the dao me . sad.after that went to j8 to have lunch . jasen turned crazy again and without thinking i hit him unintentionally so hard . the sound was so loud.SORRY !!but u deserve it .CAN U STILL WAVE UR BATON !!hahaHA!fake desmond that i spit saliva into the desert he was drinking . he almost puked .so fun .jasen said that our band loves to play blackjack .on some days our overture was good F.O.G was bad .yesterday ,overture was bad F.O.G. was good .ahhhhhhhhhh......so much problems.

NO CONFIDENCE

2009-03-03T23:01:00.000-08:00

damn sad .SYF in the morning . my form worst in the morning ,lips not warm up , super sian , always in bad mood .1st april our band SYF day will be my doomsday .i think i will freak out in the bus and start crying .i super scared. solo and more solos . i don't want to be the burden ,the sinner ,to the band . then, i must eat spicy stuff especially curry than can play high notes . now i 'm at a lost ,in the morning where to get curry ?now even thinking of it makes me frightened .i feel just like a little child wanting to run away from her parents who want to hit her because she done something wrong .however she can't as it is her parents she loves them.i am feeling the exact same feeling now.much as i want to cry now .i want to be strong . but , every single time i think of SYF the very day , i would just want to back out ,hide in my bed and cry.for not having the guts to be in the limelight .the backbone of the french horn section. although after training so hard i lack the most important thing ''CONFIDENCE''.i wonder what is wrong with me this days .GOD PLEASE HELP ME GIVE THE COURAGE,CONFIDENCE. some of u may be thinking ,is the person typing really pei hsien .yes this is peihsien.

this paragraph is specially for nan gua and those who are on a verge of giving up....................
please don't give up .no matter who u are how ur playing is ,DO NOT EVER GIVE UP.GIVING UP IS NOT A NEED BUT AN OPTION.although i have no confidence i have never given up before . i don't want to fight this battle alone .for now u must never think of giving up at this point .because no matter whether u are going to SYF we are going to perform this piece many times ,so give it ur best, ur very best ,whether u are going to SYF is up to Mr Jasen not u .so even if u are not selected u will not regret .because u have given ur all.please DONT GIVE UP!

my life

2009-02-19T04:20:00.000-08:00

these day dun know why no real friends to click with ................................no good friend .today ran so many rounds in PE ...11 rounds on field 2 rounds around school ..........dun know why now i quite like to run especially with the wind ....so sad these days, if not make my friends angry or people tease me fat .......i very tired ...makes me think no one wants me near them .i dun like my class the people in my class .but i love the teachers..and maths is soooooooo difficult.thank u sparkie i love u forever.he is my dog .my best friend.thank u for never ever ever leaving me...

GOT PRAISE

2009-02-06T01:20:00.000-08:00

wow!so damm happy mr jasen praised me yesterday .so much so i am going to 'fly'.first time in my life someone praise me like this.i didn't actually think that i was doing anything big .i thought it was any member's job .TOO BAD MR JASEN I AM GOING TO WORK MUCH MORE HARDER SO CAN'T CATCH ME . HA HA HA !JUST KIDDING! EVERYBODY LETS WORK HARD TOGETHER!

VERGE OF DYING

2009-01-19T00:16:00.000-08:00

my life have been so hectic since sec 3 started ,so tired . i want to sleep so much so that i long for my bed .study study study it is all i every do .well i plan to get straight As for my exam .i just realised that i suck so much in band .my playing is so bad that i am now scared of recording my french horn sound .I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO MY FRENCH HORN SOUND WORSE THAN THE CAR HORN .I REALLY DON'T WANT THE BAND TO GET BRONZE BECAUSE OF ME .I FIND I SUCK. MY LIFE SUCKS. MY STUDY SUCKS . MY FRENCH HORN PLAYING SUCKS . MY PIANO SUCKS .I AM ON A VERGE OF DYING

damm happy

2008-12-20T19:17:00.000-08:00

wooooooooooooooooo!just came back from hong kong not long ago . it was so fun .i misss you joyann i hope we can have another trip like this someday .you will always be my true friend !!!just went POP yesterday thought i will not have any awards so i did not seriously learn the steps . but when i got the outsanding performer i was surprised and scarded what was i susposed to do . lucky i finished it ok . this morning i got another award a good progess award by the gorvernment $150 i am going to get .so damm happy

DON'T GIVE UP !!!JIAYOU !!!

2008-12-10T07:49:00.000-08:00

yea going Hong Kong in 2 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!so happy !but i am going to miss a band practice. a bit sad though .......... this tuesday i felt quite bad in band my playing was sooooo bad but i am never going to give up .no way.i must jiayou .PEI HSIEN JIAYOU !!!!!!!!DON'T GIVE UP !!! BE THE MODEL FOR THE REST ................................

holiday please come faster!!!!!

2008-12-03T20:59:00.000-08:00

yea going to hong kong soon ! can't wait but first have to learn how to flutter.why so difficult for me everybody can do it why can't i ? looks like i have to beg Mr Jasen to cut of that part but he just don't want to . also so difficult t reach high Gflat . sian going to princess elizabeth primary school concert i think the french horn players play much more better than me .i really have to work hard than next year than can teach my little sec 1 juniors

sickkk

2008-11-29T06:00:00.000-08:00

had piano lessons today !auntie annie (teacher) kept on pushing me to the limit.she kept on making me sight read the grade 5 exam piece .maybe i was too tired as i just came back from camp the day before.i could not see properly .vision too blur from c read to e. from 5 lines read to 6 lines .felt very sick this afternoon. had headache ,fever and the whole body aching .popped a panodol and went to sleep.felt better after that . lucky did not tell mum or she will make a fuss again.did not have not much appetite .maybe this is a good chance to lose weight.

JUST STUFF

2008-11-28T03:41:00.000-08:00

so tried! just came back from band camp .it started one day after my bday 23rd november .quite upset that wong jia xin was the only one who gave me a present . she gave me a little french horn. some of my friends wished me happy bday on that very day.i think MrJasen is a bit crazy irritating and annoying me during the band camp.however it was fun playing around with him.i feel like i am already closer to the band playing around like this . i really enjoyed the band camp.Mr Jasen said to have a vision in everything you do .my vision is to make every french horn member in the section to play the correct note and rythm for the SYF.i am going to work hard to achieve my goal. firstly i am going to prefect my skills first then i will make the whole section do it then Mr Jasen will never worry about the french horns again.

so tired!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-11-10T06:09:00.000-08:00

have been trying my best to lose my best to lose weight ,but to no avil .swimming ,jogging whatever i tried . now ,i just want to go to a place and forget all my problems a place with no problems ,no discrimination ,no saddness ,no suffering, nothing but just happiness .fats it is really a scary thing .it makes you lose confidence in yourself .it makes people isolate you some even hate you ,tease you. is it that important to be have outer beauty?i just want all those people to tease me know that it' not that i want to be fat ,it' just so hard to lose weight ,so hard .so please stop teasing me .i can't hold anymore hurtful remarks anymore . i am afraid i would have a nervous breakdown.

stress! urgh!can't take it

2008-11-05T04:31:00.000-08:00

damm sian !been trying to improve my french horn playing .but it seems .no use. no help i really have no confidence in my playing .really been trying very hard even on the days where i did not bring home the horn, i been playing the F.O.G in the computer and writing notes on the score . really can't take it anymore . no matter what i do nothing seems to be improving .so depressed on monday Mr Jasen said he had to cut down band members because the strength of french horns are so weak .i really feel it is my fault not bonding my section together.after boon hwee left the section started fall apart. i don't understand why won't hui ming listen to me .sometimes i really think i failed as i senior .during sectionals last time whenever i tried to lead the section hui ming just would not listen .she would be playing herself not wanting to follow me .i know me myself is not good but at least play as section.then the others would be influence by her and start to play themselves. is is bad as Mr Jasen say we have to play as a section then as upper bass,bass,and finally a band .so whenever i think of hui ming coming back to band i would get mixed feelings on one hand i want her to come back to increase the french horn strength on the other i do not want her to come back as she may disrupt sectionals again. i really suggest that since it is the holidays there can be more band practices so we can buck up .futhermore ,SYF is nearing .i really long for more band practices .as if we really want to do well for the SYF we should work hard for it not slack slack .

music

2008-11-01T07:08:00.000-07:00

yesterday i just watched the NYP concert .i was so amazed .the french horn section they had is just so powerful .although there were only 5 of them they we so loud, so powerful.i wished i was them ,their skills are so good .to be able to play that well they must have practiced a lot.many of my friends kept asking me when will i be like that .even my conductor, Mr Jasen asked me the same question .however i told everybody no matter what i will try my best and work hard for the SYF.

band ,music

2008-10-27T22:53:00.000-07:00

today just had band practice so fun!i was late!so embarassing!i played a solo part in Fate Of Gods so scary ! almost died of heart attack !i played many notes wrongly but Mr Jasen did not say anything .maybe he knew that i was too nervous.as i usually could do it. phew! it was finally over !however i am going to practice so much harder and do well foy the SYF.

my blog

2008-10-26T07:42:00.000-07:00

yea!i Finally i made my blog .............so happy!i made this blog as i really wanted to put all my feelings into it.School has already ended, exams over .can have but i do not kow why i feel so lonely.so abandon ...........so left out by my so called ''friends''. Are we really friends?