NO CONFIDENCE

damn sad .SYF in the morning . my form worst in the morning ,lips not warm up , super sian , always in bad mood .1st april our band SYF day will be my doomsday .i think i will freak out in the bus and start crying .i super scared. solo and more solos . i don't want to be the burden ,the sinner ,to the band . then, i must eat spicy stuff especially curry than can play high notes . now i 'm at a lost ,in the morning where to get curry ?now even thinking of it makes me frightened .i feel just like a little child wanting to run away from her parents who want to hit her because she done something wrong .however she can't as it is her parents she loves them.i am feeling the exact same feeling now.much as i want to cry now .i want to be strong . but , every single time i think of SYF the very day , i would just want to back out ,hide in my bed and cry.for not having the guts to be in the limelight .the backbone of the french horn section. although after training so hard i lack the most important thing ''CONFIDENCE''.i wonder what is wrong with me this days .GOD PLEASE HELP ME GIVE THE COURAGE,CONFIDENCE. some of u may be thinking ,is the person typing really pei hsien .yes this is peihsien.

this paragraph is specially for nan gua and those who are on a verge of giving up....................
please don't give up .no matter who u are how ur playing is ,DO NOT EVER GIVE UP.GIVING UP IS NOT A NEED BUT AN OPTION.although i have no confidence i have never given up before . i don't want to fight this battle alone .for now u must never think of giving up at this point .because no matter whether u are going to SYF we are going to perform this piece many times ,so give it ur best, ur very best ,whether u are going to SYF is up to Mr Jasen not u .so even if u are not selected u will not regret .because u have given ur all.please DONT GIVE UP!