tortures

it has been such a long time since i last updated .but unlike other are free from there tortures i have still 2 more to go :theory exam and band competition .the last 2 headaches never knew that it would be so tough and stress .all school exams are over but i am so afraid i can't be promoted to 4E but i am still not defeated for my maths "both failed like shit''.i will continue trying till i succeed .i hope i can endure till then .But i noe it would be a long and tiring road .
just went to dra's house the other day .it was so fun .but she was being a meanie and did not wan to swim .a pain in the ass.but we tried some songs on the piano and she was superb .had a great time .

this week has been really busy for me .piano exam coming up next. then school exam .then band competition .then next up 'O'level .haiz life is really filled with many challenges.maths is really a headache ,but i believe that if i work hard every single thing will turn out fine .been sacrificing almost everything i have .but dreams and goals are hard to be fulfilled isn't it? really hope that when i turn back in my life i will find it worth living for.there will be countless people i want to thank .

a few days ago was told that ganny have another tummor in her other kidney .i really hope that she will turn out fine ...she just removed her other kidney a few months ago and a huge tummor in her lungs .her strength to live on really amazed me .if it was me a would have killed myself.the suffering would be just to much to bear . she will have to go for dalaysis once if things get worsen.but she is so optimistic that i dont know how to comfort her .instead she comforted me with her big love .i am learning how to be as strong as her .a real fighter.......and those who read this blog PLEASE PRAY FOR HER .I REALLY HOPE SHE WILL BE FINE .TAKE IT AS A FAVOUR FROM ME........

oh ya sry for those who tagged me and i did not reply cos something is wrong with my stupid computer.it is driving me nuts.

life has been rather fine after that incident I realised who are my real friends and who are not .this are the obstacles that really make them a true friend ,when no one is on your side .they are the ones that will stand up for you .recently the band has been busy trying to help the sec 1s get over the hurdle of a recuit .i sincerly hope that as they improve their attiude will improve too .my own dear sec 1 junniors .PLEASE DO NOT BE LAZY .THE BAND IS IMPROVING SO MUCH FASTER THAN YOU GUYS .SO BUCK UP!

i cried today........again

today i cried ..........in class again ..........the stupid water that dropped out from my eyes.i could not control it today .the pain was so intense today. i could not keep up with the brave front ,the always smiling fake face though it is bleeding inside.i really don't understand !are they happy to see me sad,cry .sometimes i really want them to stop .can't we be friends or even strangers?why must you make someone sad just for the likes of you...........is it that hard to see me happy ? will u lose a leg or a hand ?or maybe your life?
i really really hate this class so much that i cannot imagine..
those who comforted me today ,thanks for standing by my side
To elisa ,your are really my truest friend !love ya !

it hurts so much more...............

maybe this is the darkest time of my life .i dun noe why does it hurt so much when i am called 'fat'fat' .to be laughed at ...it really feels so painful everytime i am called at. the sharp pain that is felt through your heart .the pain that pierces something in me maybe it is my heart or maybe it is the soul. when tears well up my eyes the feeling of forcing yourself not to let the tears fall. to put a brave front just in front of the so-called friends ....... the suffering that is felt is much more than anyone can imagine .worse than in hell . felt every single day .every single time.it hurts it really does.........maybe i am use to it the pain .but it still hurts ...maybe the older you are the more pain is felt as you understand more..it hurts so much that i don't even want to go to school now although it use to be my favorite thing in the past.....who will stay your friends for long? so little that you can count it with your fingers only the true friends stay.............
is fat a sin? is it a crime ?is it so bad so wrong that that much suffering must be felt?to others it may be fun and excitment but have they thought what is it like to be the victim.............

my life sucks !!!

school has opened for a week now ....my life still as boring as usual .but now it got even more boring .decided to study very very hard .as usual i still hate my this year classmates ,3e3 ...decided that no matter whati must get to the top ,prove my worth in no matter music or studies .i realised i don't need friends in my class ,no need to be too sociable .still love 2e4 .i have decided to put my time and effort on the things that really matter ..studies ,band and real friends,do my best in them .the rest just ignore .maybe they will stop .........................
my life sucks ....

sick like shit

came home from band camp a few days ago ............shit la! i suck can! have been having freaking fever for a stupid week.sian feel like handicap can! my neck and shoulder pain like siao can !when to see the doctor for two times .now maybe have to go for blood test cos they suspect it is dengue .sian!cannot eat much so to look at the bright sight hope to lose weight !
*special thanks to all those that took care for me !sorry people no space to put all the names .the camp was ok but the not as fun as the past ones .this year recruits really need to learn how the respect mr how and there seniors .......if not the band will collapse .i really hope they learn the ropes fast cos i cannot take it !

people i want to express my thanks to..kahxuan.senghwee..thanks

haiz ................so long never blog ,need to thank some people who helped me when i was in need...
today got a little emotional at class..............
cried during A Maths ,i only got 16 marks !!!!why? due to my stupid careless mistakes ...
i counted that if i did not make any careless mistake i would pass ...maybe Sunny chan is right i am too complacent ...............haiz ..so far fail chemistry and a maths wonder how mum is going to take it..................
but so far i want to thank some people,kahxuan,my zu shifu,jiawei another zu shifu,senghwee,my shifu and felix my another shifu....
i also want to thank the the whole a maths class and sunny chan for putting up with me even though i was so stupid .and often asked stupid questions ...in the end, i am
the one who pulled the class down ...i am very sorry to u guys and of course Sunny Chan ...
*special thanks to seng hwee and kahxuan for helping me out in the past few weeks ...spenting time coaching me in expense of there own ..i am terribly sorry and grateful...
for those who cried today don't be discouraged , it is still a long road ahead of us ,carry on don't ever give up. i know it is not easy .i hope all of us learn our mistakes and run towards our goal..
last and not least this is for sunny chan ,don't cry ,
we are sorry ,it's not your fault pull yourself together and don't forget you are always our sunny chan dim sum ..haha

sectionals

today had sectionals..........was so amazed .my little juniors could pitch so much better just with one try all could pitch......love them so much .especially with alex his pitch improved so much ...everyone was great .however a little disappointed .....they never learn fingering ...saddened .
but nevertheless they are great juniors good atitiude ,good character and always improving no matter what ......love and cherish them so much..............

today's SYF

today just had SYF was so scared at first ......................................but later all became well .we were actually aiming for gold .but got sliver .everyone quite sad .but i having mixed feelings becos i succeed in all my solos except for two notos a bit off pitch .damn happy .angry becos like that actually can get gold .but today the band got a bit disconnected ,but understand becos people get nervous wad .....sad cos felt that let jasen down .............sianz.
after that when to celebrate. then talked to wong jiaxin about old times .before i became good in french horn .jasen did not like me . the band hated me .jasen used the shout across the band and scold me so embrassing .i felt like crying . everybody see me than '' PEIHSIEN COME ALREADY........ eeeeeeee''.good example joletta .only wong jia xin and a few others did not treat me so bad .becos everyone sided jasen.jasen always scolded me .my seniors except yaping did not teach me almost anything ..hated band then ......................becos had to learn everything through realising .....everything had to learn the hard way....so diffcult .....so i must teach my juniors well.........no matter what .i must not let then take it hard . becos it really sucks ...so i decided to puck up .becos i wanted to show jasen i can do it .I WILL NOT GIVE UP SO EASILY.
then now after jasen praised me becos i worked hard and improved .everyone changes their attitude towards me .......why?call me diamond here and there? joletta even let me play her piccolo now. so i must never let my juniors become like this .the burden of the band ........................never.

3days to SYF ..............

feeling better already ......hoping to be well by tuesday.SYF is only 3 days away .
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JASEN ....OLD MAN ALREADY. lucky i did not forget or else he can find reason to saun me ..did not get him any present but i think his greatest present would be on 1st april so bandmates u know what to do right !!!!continue to jia you!!!
when to singapore conference hall yesterday ,with viandra ,huiting.jasmine,liew jiaxin and wai minto watch a concert by some bands .so envious of them all of their horn sections have more than 3 people some more most of them are guys .not like our band only have 3 girls ....sian.

being sick sucks ...i hate dry cough

today went to school like usual .early in the morning wanted to vomit the whole time .but after recess felt better .today throat damn pain can sore .pain and dry .cough for the whole day had dry cough made throat even worst.
ate recess with 2e4 .missed the happy times with them.wai min already recovered form fever .now i think is mine n xingqi turn of being sick ......so sad.....i think tonight i going to have fever already .........sad...

super exhausted ,sick

super exhausted. this whole week had band continuously for 4 days ,i am so tired. feel like i am getting sick already .had been coughing and having running nose for the whole day.miss Elyeannie .hope she is fine .she had fever yesterday during band.rest well my junior.more and more people getting sick already . everybody take care of ur health.today sick,no mood to post much.sian..................

last day of school

today is the last day of school!yeah! happy but sad .mixed feelings.happy that i can sleep late now .have time to catch up on my school work.but got my report book all Bs and Cs only 1 A and one more F .5 over 100 for Amaths so sad.

now i just have 4 new sec 1 juniors .all annoying but cute.love them a lot and cherish them .ALEX the SUPER annoying and irritating one .always like to disturb my sectionals. BUT CAN BE SERIOUS AT TIMES. JINGYI the introvert one VERY QUIET .PLEASE BE MORE SOCIALABLE .looks like now i have to plan section outings .sianz. more work.XIAWEI the same as ALEX same kind .perfect couple.i think something is going on always look at each other and smile .SWEET LOVE ! SO CUTE! XUANWEE also quite introvet .very forgetful .dropped mouth mouthpiece twice even though i told him not to continuously .sign .kids are like that.ANYWAY HOPE THEY BECOME BETTER THAN ME IN THE NEAR FUTURE .HOPE THEY ALL STAY AS 1 SECTION .I HOPE ALL SURVIVE BECAUSE ONLY THE STRONG SURVIVE . THAT IS WHAT JASEN SAID .THAT MEANS I AM STRONG .YEAH!

TODAY WHEN TO SECTIONALS .BENJAMIN SO FUNNY .KEEP ON SINGING f.O.G and overture to edwin and shiyan to train .then he ownself high .then sing high notes keep on off pitch me ,shimin and jiaxin keep on laufhing all the way home.hahahahahahaha!!!!!

music exchange

yesterday, went to music exchange with band .bukitview was also playing F.O.G .i was super scared.my first solo was great no mistakes .but the 2nd one sucked .the other conductors was suggesting that we cut it away .but JASEN OPOSED STRONGLY SAYING THAT IT MIGHT BRING US TO GOLD IF WE 3 COULD PLAY IT WELL .yeah!!!so jia yous i am not going to let the band down. saw he xun from north vista but the dao me . sad.after that went to j8 to have lunch . jasen turned crazy again and without thinking i hit him unintentionally so hard . the sound was so loud.SORRY !!but u deserve it .CAN U STILL WAVE UR BATON !!hahaHA!fake desmond that i spit saliva into the desert he was drinking . he almost puked .so fun .jasen said that our band loves to play blackjack .on some days our overture was good F.O.G was bad .yesterday ,overture was bad F.O.G. was good .ahhhhhhhhhh......so much problems.

NO CONFIDENCE

damn sad .SYF in the morning . my form worst in the morning ,lips not warm up , super sian , always in bad mood .1st april our band SYF day will be my doomsday .i think i will freak out in the bus and start crying .i super scared. solo and more solos . i don't want to be the burden ,the sinner ,to the band . then, i must eat spicy stuff especially curry than can play high notes . now i 'm at a lost ,in the morning where to get curry ?now even thinking of it makes me frightened .i feel just like a little child wanting to run away from her parents who want to hit her because she done something wrong .however she can't as it is her parents she loves them.i am feeling the exact same feeling now.much as i want to cry now .i want to be strong . but , every single time i think of SYF the very day , i would just want to back out ,hide in my bed and cry.for not having the guts to be in the limelight .the backbone of the french horn section. although after training so hard i lack the most important thing ''CONFIDENCE''.i wonder what is wrong with me this days .GOD PLEASE HELP ME GIVE THE COURAGE,CONFIDENCE. some of u may be thinking ,is the person typing really pei hsien .yes this is peihsien.

this paragraph is specially for nan gua and those who are on a verge of giving up....................
please don't give up .no matter who u are how ur playing is ,DO NOT EVER GIVE UP.GIVING UP IS NOT A NEED BUT AN OPTION.although i have no confidence i have never given up before . i don't want to fight this battle alone .for now u must never think of giving up at this point .because no matter whether u are going to SYF we are going to perform this piece many times ,so give it ur best, ur very best ,whether u are going to SYF is up to Mr Jasen not u .so even if u are not selected u will not regret .because u have given ur all.please DONT GIVE UP!

my life

these day dun know why no real friends to click with ................................no good friend .today ran so many rounds in PE ...11 rounds on field 2 rounds around school ..........dun know why now i quite like to run especially with the wind ....so sad these days, if not make my friends angry or people tease me fat .......i very tired ...makes me think no one wants me near them .i dun like my class the people in my class .but i love the teachers..and maths is soooooooo difficult.thank u sparkie i love u forever.he is my dog .my best friend.thank u for never ever ever leaving me...

GOT PRAISE

wow!so damm happy mr jasen praised me yesterday .so much so i am going to 'fly'.first time in my life someone praise me like this.i didn't actually think that i was doing anything big .i thought it was any member's job .TOO BAD MR JASEN I AM GOING TO WORK MUCH MORE HARDER SO CAN'T CATCH ME . HA HA HA !JUST KIDDING! EVERYBODY LETS WORK HARD TOGETHER!

VERGE OF DYING

my life have been so hectic since sec 3 started ,so tired . i want to sleep so much so that i long for my bed .study study study it is all i every do .well i plan to get straight As for my exam .i just realised that i suck so much in band .my playing is so bad that i am now scared of recording my french horn sound .I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO MY FRENCH HORN SOUND WORSE THAN THE CAR HORN .I REALLY DON'T WANT THE BAND TO GET BRONZE BECAUSE OF ME .I FIND I SUCK. MY LIFE SUCKS. MY STUDY SUCKS . MY FRENCH HORN PLAYING SUCKS . MY PIANO SUCKS .I AM ON A VERGE OF DYING